Are you scared too?

I woke up early this morning -  5:30 a.m. with my mind processing my aches and fears. I considered going back to sleep but decided a nice soak in the tub with Epson salt and lavender would be a better way to start the day. 

Everything was ready for me. I slide into the hot, fragrant water and started listening to a guided meditation by Brian Weiss M.D. In this meditation he prepares you to enter into a realm where you meet someone who is there to guide you through this healing meditation.

As I progressed through the meditation I arrived at the 'door' where I would meet my friend who would be there for me. I was surprised to meet Helen, one of my Zero Balancing (ZB) instructors. It seemed so natural and perfect that she would lead me to the healing room.  The first time I met Helen we made a connection so deep and so certain - we both felt it.  I thought to myself after meeting her 'I don't know how our souls know one another but I am glad I found her'.  

Brian has us imagine a light coming in to our bodies for the healing. I saw lavender or gentle purple for my mind to help quiet it and I added orange to my root chakra as I was still feeling protective and defensive.

I breathed in the purple light to my head and breathed out orange from my root. This seemed a little out of sync but soon the breath seemed to flow in a circular motion from my root to the crown. The colors were both working independently yet in a synchronized rhythm. 

At one point my ego seemed to stand out separate from me (or me from it??) and I could sense what it was feeling. I had a deep sense of compassion for it - I could tell it did not feel safe.

I said "I'm scared too". I was surprised to hear myself speak this out load and I began crying within myself.  The tears remained inside but the cry felt so freeing. I felt more open and knew that my ego could trust that I am safe.

Every time I review this journal entry I am so thankful for having a compassionate relationship with my ego. And of course I am grateful for Helen.